# "Tone it down until they get to know you."



## canbug (Dec 31, 2015)

It sounds like you are enthusiastic and that's ok but you do need to read the crowd. A lot of questions are asked and answered one on one while completing a task, you might be disturbing their nap time? 
Hang in there and show them you are a hard worker and are capable of learning, one year in is just getting your feet wet, let it soak in a bit and enjoy.

Tim.


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## MikeFL (Apr 16, 2016)

The only thing constant is change.
Don't let it get to you.
That person will be gone one day. 

Definitely don't let it change your career path.

If you like strawberry and I like butter pecan there's no reason we can't get along. 

If you've been told you're "not allowed" to ask questions during lecture, then that's the rules.
Make a note of it that such and such a person told you so and so on whatever date and time, just for your records. 

Keep a note pad during meetings and write down any questions you have and save them for the end.


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## just the cowboy (Sep 4, 2013)

As I tell my trainees.
Listen:
Listen good:
Think about your question:
Think again on how to ask it.
Ask question if right time.
Think about what was answered.
Ask question about answer if needed.

Nothing worse than a question that was not thought out, then the person says that's not what I meant. But don't stop asking but maybe not in public.


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## splatz (May 23, 2015)

So you're being asked you to hold your questions until afterwards. That doesn't seem unreasonable. There's probably limited time allocated for the discussions. It's probably not good to tie up the whole group going over questions only the greenhorn needs explained. 

To be honest I don't see someone asking you to hold your questions as asking you to change yourself, in fact that's pretty silly. But even if it was, should the whole group change the way it does things just so you can be perfectly comfortable? The tail doesn't wag the dog, the dog wags the tail, Copernicus


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## backstay (Feb 3, 2011)

When you say high voltage industry, are you talking about outside power distribution linemen?


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## emtnut (Mar 1, 2015)

HV_Gal said:


> I don't know how to tone myself down other than to just stay silent and stop engaging altogether.


With that attitude, I wouldn't want you on my team either.

Life isn't Black and White.


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## gpop (May 14, 2018)

Reading your 2 posts shows that you are unsure of yourself.

I will let you into a secret it took 5 years of which 4 i was the lead electrician to finally be able to say "i got this". 
Fear of failure result in your most primal instinct of fight or flight. It will take a while but you will get comfortable and learn to breath especially working high voltage. 

A crowded room is not the place to have a fight response. Your panicking because you don't understand something which is understandable but your part of a team not the person running the team. Make notes and have a chat with the team lead after the meeting. Also remember the team lead may be processing hundreds of different things as hes just left a meeting so he/she might not be in a chatty mood. 

Year's in the future you will be in a meeting and someone's going to ask a first year question and you will cringe and think to yourself "please shut the **** up". If that first year is your trainee its even worse. (my trainee's learnt to gauge my response and knows when to let it go. He knows i will explain it later)


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## aidonius (Jul 10, 2018)

I ask a lot of questions and at some point I had to to figure out when it was appropriate to ask them. Unfortunately appropriate depends on the situation. Some people really like getting immediate questions while they are explaining something. Other people(like myself) get distracted and have trouble getting back on topic after a good question. There are people who want their presentations to go as planned and people only get to ask questions at the end. It very much depends on the presenter and the other people in the room.
If you are the new person on the team it is important that you understand what is going on but the discussions might not be meant to be at your level. There are times when your job as the new person is to open your ears and try and piece things together even if you would understand things better by asking a question. If the meeting is only for a set amount of time then they might just not have time for your questions and your understanding may be less of a priority than that of the team as a whole. 

It's very important to ask questions and it's important that you don't take this as a hint to never ask any. They even told you that you are welcome to do so but there is a time and a place. Initiative is great, and it's even better when you figure out when to let your colleagues make the decisions and trust that they will fill you in when the time comes. Like gpop said you are part of a team.


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## 460 Delta (May 9, 2018)

What I’m seeing is a woman who’s mind is racing, as women’s minds will, during a meeting. What I’ve come to learn is that men and women process and learn information quite differently from each other. If you’re the lone gal in an otherwise mens meeting, you need to adjust your reactions, even if you process and learn different than the men do.

Try this, as questions come to mind, write them down first and maybe prioritize them in order of importance. As the meeting moves forward, often your question will be addressed in some fashion, perhaps as more information is relayed to you. Often times if you just pause a moment to think about what you want to ask a question about, the answer will come to you and that’s a better feeling, and a more lasting knowledge, than someone else just telling you the answer.

While I’ve never had to train a woman in my trade, I’ve witnessed women drivers training as r-mix drivers and they learn very different than the men do. Often they learn things out of order as far as the skills are usually taught and built upon.

Perhaps this could be your issue, you are putting the puzzle together in numerous places trying to make sense of what the picture is supposed to be, rather than learning step by step as the subject is presented to you.

Long story short is turn the dial back from 10 to as low as you can possibly handle, and then just be patient with others, but especially YOURSELF.


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## CMP (Oct 30, 2019)

Try to do some self study, instead of asking to be spoon fed every time you don’t know. Many of us are self taught, but you really got to want it, and be willing to put in individual effort to achieve it.

If you do your own research and study first, then when you do get an opportunity to ask a question, the answer will be a lot more meaningful and make more sense to you.

Don’t make it everyone’s else’s job to spoon feed you every time you demand it, learning the trade is a lifetime career not something you pick up in a season.


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## backstay (Feb 3, 2011)

I trained my son and daughter as electricians. I didn’t think they learned differently. I will ask them next time we are together.


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## macmikeman (Jan 23, 2007)

I have a question myself: And it will get me murdered on this site full of "I done it all expert electricians". But anyway, who in his right mind wants to work around voltage that is up above 5k volts in the first place? That would have been my question in front of the whole class.......

If I worked around that kinds of voltage I would have had to change my name to macdeadman a long time ago...........


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## HV_Gal (2 mo ago)

CMP said:


> Try to do some self study, instead of asking to be spoon fed every time you don’t know. Many of us are self taught, but you really got to want it, and be willing to put in individual effort to achieve it.
> 
> If you do your own research and study first, then when you do get an opportunity to ask a question, the answer will be a lot more meaningful and make more sense to you.
> 
> Don’t make it everyone’s else’s job to spoon feed you every time you demand it, learning the trade is a lifetime career not something you pick up in a season.


When we are setting up and being delegated tasks as a group, I don't have the chance to study ahead of time and if I don't understand what is asked of me or what is going on, how can I wait to ask when one on one? They expect me to hear the instructions and do the task without understanding and the person said to tone myself down. His words, not mine


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## backstay (Feb 3, 2011)

What kind of voltage?


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## HV_Gal (2 mo ago)

backstay said:


> What kind of voltage?


 Substation, anywhere from 11kV to 220kV


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## Wardenclyffe (Jan 11, 2019)

Are you working alone,...


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## backstay (Feb 3, 2011)

HV_Gal said:


> Substation, anywhere from 11kV to 220kV


Not the place to work if you don’t know every single step in every task you preform. Any other females working there?


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## gpop (May 14, 2018)

macmikeman said:


> I have a question myself: And it will get me murdered on this site full of "I done it all expert electricians". But anyway, who in his right mind wants to work around voltage that is up above 5k volts in the first place? That would have been my question in front of the whole class.......
> 
> If I worked around that kinds of voltage I would have had to change my name to macdeadman a long time ago...........



Its not as bad as you think and its probably safer than working 480v. 

480-600 kinda might kill you if you do something stupid. medium and above will kill you so you tend not to take the risk and do something stupid.


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## gpop (May 14, 2018)

HV_Gal said:


> When we are setting up and being delegated tasks as a group, I don't have the chance to study ahead of time and if I don't understand what is asked of me or what is going on, how can I wait to ask when one on one? They expect me to hear the instructions and do the task without understanding and the person said to tone myself down. His words, not mine


I have worked in sub stations and we confirm every step more than once. 

The first meeting is to explain what we are planning to do normally with management. The tail gate meeting disgusts what we are doing and the steps involved which is where the questions are asked or you are assigned to another person. During the work there is always a lead person and all decisions are passed through that person to make sure no one is out of step.
Never seen anyone in any kind of hurry in a sub station.


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## ZacharyBob (May 3, 2020)

HV_Gal said:


> So I've been an apprentice in the High Voltage industry since January, did pretrade before that for a year. It's been a huge learning curve but I thought I was finally seen as part of the team for the last month or two. I also felt I was starting to get an idea of what I am doing on-site.
> 
> Yesterday my project manager informed me that many supervisors dont want me on their sites unless I "tone it down" during group discussions and stop asking questions to the group. Apparently, I should be asking these questions privately after the discussion and just shut up and listen even if I don't understand what is being said.
> 
> ...


All I can say is based off what you're telling us, but if there's a consensus among supervisors I think you should take it to heart and try to address the issue with a good attitude. 

I read a lot of emotion in your post and for the most part emotions are less than helpful on the job site. Being reluctant to grow and change based on the needs of your team won't serve you well. 

It's fine to have feelings, but it's likely that your feelings are more visible than you realize, if your supervisors pick up on the "I give up" attitude that you're presenting with here it only exasperates the issue at hand.


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## John Valdes (May 17, 2007)

"Tone it down" has a much different feel than asking questions at a meeting. I read it differently.
Do you talk a lot? Do you convey your personal opinions on the job? Are you loud? Interrupt others?
You see, I have the tendency to do all those things. It took me years to learn it was me, not them.
To this day my wife will squeeze my hand to warn me that I should shut the **** up. Thankfully she is with me most of the time today. 
I especially had to work very hard on these things at work. I was labeled "hard to work with" and "talks to much" "to aggresive" and a lot of other things I may have heard or never heard.
If I were you, I would look no further than your mirror. Make sure your house is in order before anything else.
I am, not saying these are things you do. But my gut tells me its more than just what you have told us.
Shut up and listen, Do your job and I bet in time you will wonder why this was even an issue. Good luck.


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## MotoGP1199 (Aug 11, 2014)

Tone it down sounds more like your asking PC related questions. Which should be handled separately. If it's job and task related questions that's different. But seeing as your only one year in and considered an apprentice. Most of your questions relating to the task on hand should be discussed with your journeyman that you should be working alongside or directly under.

Journeyman and supervisors don't want to waste a bunch of time in meetings hearing a bunch of apprentice level questions that most others or all others probably already understand. This would be like me going to a huge jobsite meeting focused on all the trades scheduling and coordinating timeliness and asking questions about trim color. I'm wasting everyone else's time for something that can be handled one on one.


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## 99cents (Aug 20, 2012)

HV_Gal said:


> So I've been an apprentice in the High Voltage industry since January, did pretrade before that for a year. It's been a huge learning curve but I thought I was finally seen as part of the team for the last month or two. I also felt I was starting to get an idea of what I am doing on-site.
> 
> Yesterday my project manager informed me that many supervisors dont want me on their sites unless I "tone it down" during group discussions and stop asking questions to the group. Apparently, I should be asking these questions privately after the discussion and just shut up and listen even if I don't understand what is being said.
> 
> ...


I know what you do. You adapt. You’re not changing who you are and pretending to be someone else by projecting yourself in different ways according to the situation. If you go to church, you don’t act the same way you do at a party. You say you have built relationships but relationships are never completely built, they’re always a work in progress. Take this as a learning experience and be happy someone confided in you. Sometimes the way it is isn’t the way we would like it but that’s life.


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## SomeJoe (Apr 9, 2021)

Don't quit, adapt. Be proud that you've made it this far, keep going.


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